Friday, September 24, 2010

Ups and Downs


It's hard for me to believe that Jingju has been with us for only 18 months.  It's as if at the last moment I slipped under the wire to become a mother--grabbed my last chance, and somehow was given this incredible child to love. My life has changed immeasurably, with a consequent shifting of priorities, with attention turned outside myself, with a daunting sense of responsibility to provide for Jingju on so many levels, and the hope that I  don't mess it up too badly. I've noticed time is also changing, moving more quickly, reminding me to live as well and thoughtfully as I can. I find myself thinking about mortality and catch myself doing math on my fingers...I'll be 60 when Jingju is 18... or, yes, I could live to see Jingju turn 30... and running down the list in my head of people who will be there for her to support her after I'm gone. My husband's Multiple Sclerosis refuses to take a holiday, and he's had two surgeries in the last month. So, the role I play of Mother is always sharing the spot light with my other role as a well spouse. Of the latter role, I could devote a whole other blog to the subject, and perhaps I will at some point. But this is about Jingju, and I bring it up now to reassure readers here, and more importantly myself, that I am mindful of the impact Kevin's illness has on Jingju, in the now and months and years to come.

Last weekend we went to a festival at a local park. On this day, this family outing felt like something of a small victory. That we got to the park at all, and that Kevin was able to come with us was no simple feat. But we made it, and seeing Jingju having so much fun was worth the strain and stress it took to get us there.

I like this video because it shows how fearless and strong Jingju is. She has already had to cope with so much in her young life, and yet, she has such a resilient and brave spirit. I have no doubt she will get herself through her life no matter what the challenges.